Smart With Your Money

Your Real Estate, Mortgage, Personal Finance, and Credit Resource

Blended Family Steps

by

Blended Family Steps

About 75 percent of the 1.2 million Americans who divorce each year eventually remarry. Most have children, and they find that step-family life is more complex than they ever imagined. Below are a few steps to take to bring a blended family together.

  1.  Step down your expectations of how quickly your blended family will bond and find harmony.  

The average step-family needs between 5 to 7 years to form a family identity.  In the movies you see the love between adults and children happening quickly; in real life however, it happens gradually.

  • Be patient with yourself, your marriage, and the children as family members find their fit.  You cook a stepfamily very slowly like in a slow-cooker not fast like a microwave.
  • If still dating, slow down on a decision on marriage.  Kids need more time than adults to get used to the idea of a wedding.  Make it a family decision.

  1. Two Step. The couple’s relationship is by far the most important in the stepfamily home, yet it is often the weakest link.

Make sure your marriage doesn’t get put on the back burner!

  • Declare your marriage the new foundation for your home and balance it with a strong commitment of time and energy to your children.
  • Become a ghost buster! Identify and deal with any painful ghosts from a previous marriage so that they don’t affect trust in this relationship.

  1. Step Up the healing between the ex’s.

Rise above your ego when possible to create a new space for re-building trust.

  • Understand your place within the new boundaries
  • Create open communication

 

  1. Step In line as a parental team.

Step-parents must focus on relationship building with stepchildren, and ex-spouses should learn between home cooperation.

  • Ex-spouses who communicate well and cooperate on behalf of their children well and cooperate on behalf of their children are also making success for the new blended family more likely.  Put your differences aside and focus on being good parents for your children.
  • Early on biological parents should continue to be the primary disciplinarian to their children while stepparents build relationship, trust, and respect with stepchildren.

 

  1. Side step common pitfalls

  • Children need their emotional hurt to be acknowledged and processed throughout their lifetime.  A child who may say, “You’re not my mom, I don’t have to listen to you” is telling you about their sadness that their mom isn’t there.
  • Traditions celebrating holidays and special days should be maintained when appropriate while the new stepfamily creates their own unique traditions.
  • Money matters can be confusing.  Discuss how you will balance being responsible for previous individual financial obligations while combining assets for the new family.

 

  1. Step Up the support for each family member.

  • Be sure to recognize each family member’s needs, personalities, love language and work on supporting them in the way they may need it.
  • Create a trusted space with each family member independently of one another.

 

  1. Step through the wilderness with trust and determination

  • Remain dedicated to gradually forming a family identity over time, and everyone will  benefit from it.
  • And remember, there is a honeymoon for couples in step-families; it just may come at the end of the journey, not at the beginning!

Blended Families Audio:

 

http://www.parents.com/parenting/divorce/blended-families/challenges-of-blended-families/

Podcast: Play in new window | Download